super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
