Will you blow on my dice?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
