What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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