Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
