we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
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At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
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The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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