Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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