tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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