Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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