Pregnant stripper...not hot.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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