he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
