just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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