why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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