Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
