Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
