i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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