I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
