I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
