Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
