I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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