Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
