I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
