Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
