I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
how drunk are you?
Several
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
