So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
