your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
