dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
