Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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