Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
