I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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