i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
