i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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