Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
