I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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