and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Are my feet made of real feet?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
The air taste purple.
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