there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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