If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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