im having a threesome with these popsicles
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
