census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
