so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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