Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
