I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You can't just leave with hair like that
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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