We're facebook friends in real life
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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