Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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