He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Define "chronic" masturbator.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
