i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
