Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
