Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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