just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
