Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
