oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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