I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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