You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
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the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
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