"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
