i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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