Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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