can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
