I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
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I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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