Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
How does it feel to date your dad?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
