I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
