It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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