We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
