What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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