i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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