her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
