I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
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It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
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We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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