You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
