Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
