dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
