yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
