using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
