she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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