Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize