I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
